It takes a village to adopt a child. This thought keeps running through my head these days  as we (hopefully?) approach the day when we hold our daughter in our arms. We don't live anywhere even remotely near family, so we have to rely on neighbors and friends to help us with our needs. And they sure have volunteered. We have good friends who will be caring for our three kids along with their three while we are gone. We have other friends and neighbors who have volunteered to make meals for the family and our kids. Still others will be helping with school bus pick up, watching one or two of the kids periodically to give our friends a break, and checking in with our friends and kids. Friends and Bible study members have donated money and items for our daughter's orphanage. Countless friends and family members near and far have been lifting us and our situation up in prayer daily. Others have dropped off a card at just the right time- that day when we hear that we STILL have not received a visa. Others drop off brownies to console. Whatever the gesture is, it is so meaningful to us. It shows us that people care not only for us but for our daughter and our children already at home. We are so blessed to have our village. 

I was SOOOO hoping to be traveling to get our little princess this weekend...but no such luck. The embassy interview we THOUGHT we had, we were SUPPOSED to have had two weeks ago didn't happen. Why? I'm not really sure. What we do know is that it will happen this week if it didn't happen at the end of last week. I can't even tell you how disappointing it was, to think we were on the cusp of traveling, awaiting travel news any day, only to find out that we had taken steps backward! UGH! On top of that our sweet girl has an injured leg. Something happened where a nanny was holding her and fell. They were concerned about her leg being broken, and so we have a picture of her teeny body with a giant cast on from the doctor. She was brought a few days later for a checkup and xray and there was no break. Phew! She was supposed to have a follow up appointment this past Friday and we haven't heard anything about that yet. We are so so ready to have her in our arms. To be able to love on her and care for her in the way only a family can. To fatten up her skinny little legs and tiny frame. To see a smile on that face. Please join us in praying that everything will go smoothly from here on out. That her visa will be issued in RECORD time and that we can snuggle her in our arms SOON!!! 

The first few days of 2013 have left me feeling a little melancholy. I rang in 2012 in tears over the loss of Rory (well, I fell asleep before midnight...but prior to that). It was hard to end the year so differently than I thought it would end. When we started this process last January I never imagined we'd be ending the year without our daughter. I still miss her and probably always will. I hope that I'll get some more resolution to her death when we go pick up our baby girl in the DRC. My husband and I are hoping to find a place and a time to have a little memorial service for her. Just us and our new sweet one. I feel like I need to have more closure...though I'm sure there will always be sadness. 

I'm also feeling a melancholy that we don't have our baby girl with us yet. Don't get me wrong- the process has been speeding along. But knowing that she is SO little and they change and grow so much when they are infants so young. I know that God's timing is perfect so I'm trying to rest in that. It looks like we have about 1 more month- which really isn't all that long in the big picture. Day to day it feels like forever though! 

An additional weight on my heart has been our other unresolved issue I talk about cryptically in other posts. Still unresolved. Trying to rest in God's plan for this yet pleading with him for a resolution. And not just any resolution, a screaming from the rooftops happy resolution. He is the God of miracles. He can do it. 

As we wait for the time to pass until we can go get our sweet girl I'm trying to bring myself out of this funk (It isn't a big funk, don't worry). Today is day 2 of my no sugar, strict paleo, essentially whole 30 diet. I'm not experiencing the cranky sugar deprived monster that I was last year when I gave up sugar. But it could also be contributing to my general "blah" that I'm in. My new year resolution is to lose this 5-10 extra lbs that I've gained since moving here (don't weigh myself, just guessing based on how my clothes fit). Darn that bibimbap in a hot pot! ;) I think spending lots of time in the kitchen could help keep me busy during this wait. Today I've made almond milk and am about to start almond butter(love my vitamix!). 

I'm also hoping to figure out what in the world to do with all of my pictures. Print them? Blog them? Put them in books? What?! It is a big big project and one I at least need to have a plan for. 

Oh yeah- and it would probably be helpful if we set up sweet baby's crib, etc. :) Little things like that. :) 

So, as 2013 starts, I'm keeping busy and I'm praying. Praying for time to pass, for our baby girl to stay healthy, for healing of my heart, and for miraculous resolution. Praying that 2013 draws us closer to God and that we stand with Him in the trials. Sorry this has been so disjointed. I just needed to get it out! :)

I used to be a crafty person. Truly I did. The reason this blog is named "I really should be cleaning" is because I would often knit, scrapbook, read, or coupon my days away! And while it is true, I still should be cleaning- it is because I'm taking care of these crazy rugrats, or grocery shopping, or chatting with long distance friends on facebook cooking dinner or something like that. The past 3 weeks of waiting on this adoption have sent me back into my crafting mode though- definitely nesting. I've been going crazy trying to get some things done before my baby girl comes home. And I think a part of me is also trying to knit my way to her! :) Here are some of the projects I've been working on:

Several friends pestered me lovingly pointed out that I needed to post on my blog. I suppose I do. We have been blessed with the referral for an infant girl from the DRC. We have been moving forward in the process to bring her home. We still miss our Rory Grace so much, but have been very blessed with this new referral and with hope in our hearts that we will be able to bring her home to our family. She is officially our daughter legally, now we are working on our immigration forms, etc, etc. So much paperwork involved in adoption! And so much notarizing. And so much longing, and thinking, and praying. Dealing with the death of Rory has been very difficult but He has really been faithful to lead our family through it. We now miss her, and always will, but we are feeling much more healed. Our other major life stress still continues. It has been weighing on us for years. I am praying for resolution (praying for happy, JOYOUS resolution) in the next couple of months. 

In a giant coincidence (okay, okay, yeah right. Totally not a coincidence. We know WHO decided I'd be doing those studies during this time) both of the Bible studies I am in are about God's faithfulness and presence during times of trial and suffering. In our church small group we are reading Spectacular Sins by John Piper. This book is all about the sovereignty of God, and what his role is in creating or allowing trials and suffering. The other women's Bible study is Lord, Where Are You When Bad Things Happen by Kay Arthur which focuses on the book of Habakkuk. I have never read the book of Habakkuk before (or maybe I have, but don't remember any of it!). I am absolutely certain that God saved these words for me to read during this time of my life. A time where we have been through a lot. 

At the beginning of the book, Habakkuk says "How long, O Lord, will I call for help, and You will not hear?" This is often how I feel. That I have prayed for resolution to our current trial for so long. And that He is not hearing. He is not listening. He is not doing anything. I am the tantrumming two-year-old stomping my feet in front of the Lord. Why God, are you not taking away this burden? and Why did you have to allow Rory to die? 

The Lord has given me answers to both situations in Habakkuk. He says in verse 5 "Look among the nations! Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days- You would not believe if you were told". God is truly in control. His plan is so much bigger than I could imagine. He doesn't reveal His ways to us. We would not understand. I would not understand. Like that two-year-old, who doesn't like his father's choices, I, the tantrumming adult cannot understand my Father's will. I have to trust that He knows best. "For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3 His plan always succeeds, always occurs. His plan was for us to only love Rory from a distance, to see her in heaven someday, and to be the parents of our new precious daughter. His plan for our other trial will eventually come to light. As we walk through His plans, even if we don't understand them, we rejoice that He will be with us through it all. We hope that we will be able to bring our new daughter into our home and to be her parents here, for a very very long time. We also hope that we will be able to celebrate the end of our other trial soon, and that as it ends that it will end the way we desperately want it to end. At the end of it all, no matter what may come, we strive to have the same attitude and draw the same conclusions that Habakkuk did.

"Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places."
Habakkuk 3:17-19

Praise be to God.