Wednesday, August 22, 2012

He is here

The loss of my daughter has been an immense struggle for me this week. Added to that is the stress of being "alone" to weather it. My husband had to go away for the week for his job just 24 hours after we lost Rory. Couple that with just moving here and having a small (yet growing!) support system and living an ocean away from family...well it has been difficult.  I was chatting online with a good friend and she said "The Lord really is making you depend solely on HIM isn't He?" It was like a board across my head. She was SO. SO. right. This situation is NOT a surprise to Him. He knew when she would pass away, He knew when we would move to Korea, He knew when my husband had to be away. It should have been obvious to me, but it wasn't. I have been trying to rely on Him but this was a reminder that I only NEED him. His comfort and love are all I need to heal. It has really helped remind me to give it ALL to him, rather than picking up the phone to call someone first. 

That said- even though we are new- He is using SOOOOO many people, saying so many extremely kind things to minister to us. And that is an INCREDIBLE blessing to me/us. New friends, old friends, acquaintances near and far. I've had old friends drive up (or offer to drive up but then their kids get sick) from other bases to see me and distract me from my sadness, and new friends invite me and my kids to dinner. We've had so many encouraging emails with people saying how they read a Bible verse and it reminded them of us, and of course it is just the verse that I needed to hear. Last night we got an amazingly kind email from the pastor of our old church and his wife. I then decided to turn on some music while I got ready for bed and the song "How He Loves" by David Crowder Band came on. Listening to the lyrics about God's love for me made me think about all of the people surrounding us and lifting us in prayer. That is how He loves me. He is just POURING out his love through these people to me. Yes, this situation absolutely sucks. But because He loves me He is surrounding me with blessings. 

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

More lyrics:
Sunday, August 19, 2012

She is gone

Yesterday morning we received the news that no one wants to hear. Our precious daughter passed away unexpectedly in the DRC. From what we were told she was sick for only a day and then died. They don't know what she had or why she died. From what we knew she was healthy. We are absolutely heartbroken. We have prayed for her and talked about her, sent her packages and have held so much love in our hearts and hope and anticipation of the day we would hold her in our arms finally. Moving here, updating our homestudy...everything was falling into place. We were finally in the home we would bring her to. We were anticipating traveling in October or November. 

The night before I was opening boxes and sorting our little girl clothes, planning which ones would fit her when she came home. I have piles on my living room floor ready to put in her drawers for a little girl who will never wear them. A little girl who I long to hold in my arms and snuggle tight. A little girl who I will never get to meet this side of heaven. My daughter. 

We were told that the people who loved her and cared for her in the DRC will have a service of some type for her and a burial. This brings me comfort to know that she will be remembered in this way. It breaks my heart that I wasn't there when she was sick, and that I can't be there when they lay her in the ground. My poor sweet baby. 

In just one day, a week and a half after moving here, we have received an amazing out pouring of love and support. Three separate people brought us flowers yesterday and we have received many many emails and fb messages of love. We treasure these and thank you all for these. I know the Mighty Counselor will help us heal. Already today is a little better than yesterday. For now we look forward to the day we meet her again in heaven and take comfort knowing that she is in a place so much better than we could ever create. 

We love you, sweet Rory Grace. Forever.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; 
    may the name of the Lord be praised.”

Job 1:21

(And no, this is in no way related to the other great or devastating news I talked about in the previous post. This is completely unexpected. That issue is still unresolved.)
Wednesday, August 8, 2012

We made it

So much has been happening in our lives...I don't even know how to sum it up in a blog post. It probably needs ten posts...but one will have to do! 

We made it to Korea 2 days ago. The kids and I traveled halfway around the world and lived to tell about it. They did fantastic on the flight over, and other than me not getting to sleep the entire time, a near meltdown after we landed and had to go through customs, having jet lag and then getting diagnosed with strep the day after we arrived, it went okay! :) We were met at the airport by my husband whom I hadn't seen in a month, and many amazing friends that we had been stationed with over the years. I'm so blessed.

We are starting to settle in somewhat. The suitcases look like they have exploded all over the house (that my hubs moved into after he got here). We have gotten our small initial shipment of our stuff and have government furniture until our main shipment gets here. We have a homestudy worker coming from Malaysia on Friday to do our homestudy update which we needed done only because of our move. It will be great to get that done and submitted to USCIS ASAP. Our main shipment ALSO may arrive on Friday...and while I'm looking forward to getting our stuff that we haven't seen in 2 months, I don't know if I can handle prepping for an update while getting all of our boxes at the same time. Plus our social worker may not be able to walk in our house if that happens! We may have to have them wait until Monday to deliver...but it sure would be nice to have our stuff! :) 

On the adoption front things are moving along great. We are officially the parents of our new Congolese princess!!! She will be moved in the next few weeks to the agency's transition home so she can get all of her paperwork done and come HOME!!! We got updated pics of her a few weeks ago and she is so precious. She burned her poor little hand very badly so that was hard to see, but I got pictures of it a few weeks after the incident and it looked much better. 

Our family could also really use prayer for an ongoing situation that I have alluded to in other posts. It is honestly the most stressful thing happening in my life right now (yes, more stressful than an overseas move and an overseas adoption combined!!). I'd love to be able to share more (don't hate me!) but I need to keep it offline for the time being. Hopefully someday I'll be able to share and it will be GREAT news (it will either be GREAT or DEVASTATING!!) but until then just send out a prayer for God's sovereignty in our life and His perfect peace to continue to surpass any worry in our minds. 

Blessings to you and your families!

About Me

I am a sinner who has been chosen by God and redeemed by the death and resurrection of his son Jesus. I am a full-time wife and mom, though I hope to someday return to my job as an SLP. I love photography, coffee, reading, and adoption. I hate to clean, but sometimes do it anyway!
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