Wednesday, August 22, 2012

He is here

The loss of my daughter has been an immense struggle for me this week. Added to that is the stress of being "alone" to weather it. My husband had to go away for the week for his job just 24 hours after we lost Rory. Couple that with just moving here and having a small (yet growing!) support system and living an ocean away from family...well it has been difficult.  I was chatting online with a good friend and she said "The Lord really is making you depend solely on HIM isn't He?" It was like a board across my head. She was SO. SO. right. This situation is NOT a surprise to Him. He knew when she would pass away, He knew when we would move to Korea, He knew when my husband had to be away. It should have been obvious to me, but it wasn't. I have been trying to rely on Him but this was a reminder that I only NEED him. His comfort and love are all I need to heal. It has really helped remind me to give it ALL to him, rather than picking up the phone to call someone first. 

That said- even though we are new- He is using SOOOOO many people, saying so many extremely kind things to minister to us. And that is an INCREDIBLE blessing to me/us. New friends, old friends, acquaintances near and far. I've had old friends drive up (or offer to drive up but then their kids get sick) from other bases to see me and distract me from my sadness, and new friends invite me and my kids to dinner. We've had so many encouraging emails with people saying how they read a Bible verse and it reminded them of us, and of course it is just the verse that I needed to hear. Last night we got an amazingly kind email from the pastor of our old church and his wife. I then decided to turn on some music while I got ready for bed and the song "How He Loves" by David Crowder Band came on. Listening to the lyrics about God's love for me made me think about all of the people surrounding us and lifting us in prayer. That is how He loves me. He is just POURING out his love through these people to me. Yes, this situation absolutely sucks. But because He loves me He is surrounding me with blessings. 

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

More lyrics:


Elizabeth said...

Your faithfulness is an inspiration to me.

(and you forgot to mention The Neverending Rainstorm in your list of challenges!)

About Me

I am a sinner who has been chosen by God and redeemed by the death and resurrection of his son Jesus. I am a full-time wife and mom, though I hope to someday return to my job as an SLP. I love photography, coffee, reading, and adoption. I hate to clean, but sometimes do it anyway!
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