Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Habakkuk, where have you been all my life?

Several friends pestered me lovingly pointed out that I needed to post on my blog. I suppose I do. We have been blessed with the referral for an infant girl from the DRC. We have been moving forward in the process to bring her home. We still miss our Rory Grace so much, but have been very blessed with this new referral and with hope in our hearts that we will be able to bring her home to our family. She is officially our daughter legally, now we are working on our immigration forms, etc, etc. So much paperwork involved in adoption! And so much notarizing. And so much longing, and thinking, and praying. Dealing with the death of Rory has been very difficult but He has really been faithful to lead our family through it. We now miss her, and always will, but we are feeling much more healed. Our other major life stress still continues. It has been weighing on us for years. I am praying for resolution (praying for happy, JOYOUS resolution) in the next couple of months. 

In a giant coincidence (okay, okay, yeah right. Totally not a coincidence. We know WHO decided I'd be doing those studies during this time) both of the Bible studies I am in are about God's faithfulness and presence during times of trial and suffering. In our church small group we are reading Spectacular Sins by John Piper. This book is all about the sovereignty of God, and what his role is in creating or allowing trials and suffering. The other women's Bible study is Lord, Where Are You When Bad Things Happen by Kay Arthur which focuses on the book of Habakkuk. I have never read the book of Habakkuk before (or maybe I have, but don't remember any of it!). I am absolutely certain that God saved these words for me to read during this time of my life. A time where we have been through a lot. 

At the beginning of the book, Habakkuk says "How long, O Lord, will I call for help, and You will not hear?" This is often how I feel. That I have prayed for resolution to our current trial for so long. And that He is not hearing. He is not listening. He is not doing anything. I am the tantrumming two-year-old stomping my feet in front of the Lord. Why God, are you not taking away this burden? and Why did you have to allow Rory to die? 

The Lord has given me answers to both situations in Habakkuk. He says in verse 5 "Look among the nations! Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days- You would not believe if you were told". God is truly in control. His plan is so much bigger than I could imagine. He doesn't reveal His ways to us. We would not understand. I would not understand. Like that two-year-old, who doesn't like his father's choices, I, the tantrumming adult cannot understand my Father's will. I have to trust that He knows best. "For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3 His plan always succeeds, always occurs. His plan was for us to only love Rory from a distance, to see her in heaven someday, and to be the parents of our new precious daughter. His plan for our other trial will eventually come to light. As we walk through His plans, even if we don't understand them, we rejoice that He will be with us through it all. We hope that we will be able to bring our new daughter into our home and to be her parents here, for a very very long time. We also hope that we will be able to celebrate the end of our other trial soon, and that as it ends that it will end the way we desperately want it to end. At the end of it all, no matter what may come, we strive to have the same attitude and draw the same conclusions that Habakkuk did.

"Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places."
Habakkuk 3:17-19

Praise be to God.


Elizabeth said...

Again, your faithfulness is such an inspiration to me. I am so lucky to be your friend. (And you definitely should not be cleaning!)

Jessica Kok said...

Definitely should not be cleaning. Should be blogging more. ;) You are such a good friend and wonderful inspiration throughout your trials.

Trying to figure out if a verse from Habakkuk can go on my Christmas card.

About Me

I am a sinner who has been chosen by God and redeemed by the death and resurrection of his son Jesus. I am a full-time wife and mom, though I hope to someday return to my job as an SLP. I love photography, coffee, reading, and adoption. I hate to clean, but sometimes do it anyway!
Powered by Blogger.