Tuesday, January 1, 2013

End of Year

The first few days of 2013 have left me feeling a little melancholy. I rang in 2012 in tears over the loss of Rory (well, I fell asleep before midnight...but prior to that). It was hard to end the year so differently than I thought it would end. When we started this process last January I never imagined we'd be ending the year without our daughter. I still miss her and probably always will. I hope that I'll get some more resolution to her death when we go pick up our baby girl in the DRC. My husband and I are hoping to find a place and a time to have a little memorial service for her. Just us and our new sweet one. I feel like I need to have more closure...though I'm sure there will always be sadness. 

I'm also feeling a melancholy that we don't have our baby girl with us yet. Don't get me wrong- the process has been speeding along. But knowing that she is SO little and they change and grow so much when they are infants so young. I know that God's timing is perfect so I'm trying to rest in that. It looks like we have about 1 more month- which really isn't all that long in the big picture. Day to day it feels like forever though! 

An additional weight on my heart has been our other unresolved issue I talk about cryptically in other posts. Still unresolved. Trying to rest in God's plan for this yet pleading with him for a resolution. And not just any resolution, a screaming from the rooftops happy resolution. He is the God of miracles. He can do it. 

As we wait for the time to pass until we can go get our sweet girl I'm trying to bring myself out of this funk (It isn't a big funk, don't worry). Today is day 2 of my no sugar, strict paleo, essentially whole 30 diet. I'm not experiencing the cranky sugar deprived monster that I was last year when I gave up sugar. But it could also be contributing to my general "blah" that I'm in. My new year resolution is to lose this 5-10 extra lbs that I've gained since moving here (don't weigh myself, just guessing based on how my clothes fit). Darn that bibimbap in a hot pot! ;) I think spending lots of time in the kitchen could help keep me busy during this wait. Today I've made almond milk and am about to start almond butter(love my vitamix!). 

I'm also hoping to figure out what in the world to do with all of my pictures. Print them? Blog them? Put them in books? What?! It is a big big project and one I at least need to have a plan for. 

Oh yeah- and it would probably be helpful if we set up sweet baby's crib, etc. :) Little things like that. :) 

So, as 2013 starts, I'm keeping busy and I'm praying. Praying for time to pass, for our baby girl to stay healthy, for healing of my heart, and for miraculous resolution. Praying that 2013 draws us closer to God and that we stand with Him in the trials. Sorry this has been so disjointed. I just needed to get it out! :)


Elizabeth said...

We're anxiously awaiting your new daughter to arrive here, too. Thank you for the reminder to keep praying for you and your family!

(So happy you blogged! Yay!)

(You could always catch up on your 365 project and then print a year on blurb.com.)

About Me

I am a sinner who has been chosen by God and redeemed by the death and resurrection of his son Jesus. I am a full-time wife and mom, though I hope to someday return to my job as an SLP. I love photography, coffee, reading, and adoption. I hate to clean, but sometimes do it anyway!
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